Should I really be doing this???

Today I felt like the market was handing me fistfuls of money and I kept saying no thanks. I have so many great setups and a lot of them would work out just fine. I place orders and then pull them. I place orders, get filled, then take a two second profit. I place orders, get filled, place stop, feel a baby amount of heat, and get out. And a lot of question of what I saw.
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I have a couple of setups. See the setup and not place the order. Then I would rush to place a non-system order and screw it up.
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I have a couple of very successful traders from time to time giving me great ideas. It seems like 80-90 percent of them work. Do I take any of them, seldom and the ones I take I seem to mess up out of fear or greed.
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Why am I so afraid of losing?? I know if I got a couple of good days under my belt - I think I would loosen up. This is a dream of a lifetime for me and I can't get myself to take a decent swing at it.
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I should be making good money but I lack confidence. One trader said once I got that confidence, I will trade like a rabid dog.
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Today, I missed the Big Mouth stocks. MT gave me a great trade to short FSLR. I took it and screwed it up with a trailing stop too clse. I felt like the market was going to fail and was looking to short any rallies. I thought I had a great trade in APD only to find I did not push the entry bottom after my bathroom stop (see charts below). I called a couple of tops to other traders without taking them myself.
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Today I feel with out too much effort, the way I looked at things, I should have made $3000 to $5000 today. I banner day. Instead, I have my head up my ass and lost $110.
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I you live somewhere in Central New Jersey, and you want to yell at me during the market day, please come by. I need someone I think to be next to me. I would state my case for a trade including the stop loss and profit target and reasons for moving the stop or getting out of the trade. You would say place the trade including the stop. And then if I come near touching the key for any reason other than the ones I spoke of - you break my fingers with a hammer. This is the only way it seems I would be successful.
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This is bad really bad. When the bell rang at the end of today - I just broke down and cried. The only saving grace I take out of this - with all my mistakes today - I only lost $110. This gives me the means to totally frustrate myself again tomorrow.

Tuesday Trade Review 11/13/2007

I have so much to learn - period. I can't type orders today. I sent buys when I wanted sells. I sent sells when I wanted buys. My shares levels I screwed up too. I have Internet problems for 2 hours. I lost my cool and I tried revenge trading. I had people make fun of my dumbness and I just totally went mental. I just thank god I did not loss a ton of money today. I was on the edge of trashing my office. That is no way to trade.
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The numbers:
Stocks: gross -46 net -62 shares 3000
Stock Futures: none
Other Futures: none
Forex: none

Sucked 8/16/2007

A big ass rally like this and I had my head up my - you know where. Unfortunately, I gave up too soon and had lunch and work on my plate instead. There is a lot I have to learn about this market. I am going to keep this short. I went to a county fair tonight so I am hot, sweating and itchy from all the farm animals. I need a shower.
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I shorted the morning rally and got killed then I put an order for some QLD way out of the market thinking maybe late today it would get hit. I got filled early afternoon while I was doing some work. By the time I figured out I had filled, the market had already gone so much lower and higher so I closed the trade with a little profit. Dummy me.
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The numbers:
Stocks: none
Stock Futures: Gross -520 Net -529 contracts 4
Forex: none

Panic - not Profit 7/11/2007

Boy, did I screw up so far today. I had orders for 4 stocks in this morning. All shorts going against my Big mouth favorites. As I stated before, I try capturing the opening pop before or after the open using my IB account for a half position. I use my TD account to capture the on the open pop with a half position.
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There was no pops on any of the stocks just before the open and only one popped on the open - TCK. I sold a 1/4 position on top tick. I would have had twice the shares if I was a penny lower.
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I usually would pull the orders of the other stocks without a pop from TD right away but I didn't and the stocks ran right after the open. So I got filled on two where I no longer wanted to be. I tried covering as quickly as I could but before I could get both orders in, I has down 75 cents on each and to top that the top tick stock I short went down 90 cents and bounce 75 cents in four minutes.
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Like a dumb shit - I covered my winner too only to watch if flat line 25 cents under my sell price and give another sell signal.
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So I should have been short TCK 500 shares at 46.45 and 1000 shares at 45.20 and out at 45.65 for a profit of about 1000.
Instead I shorted 500 at 46.45 and out at 42.15 for +150.
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So should have pulled my COP order and shorted at 85.25 and out at 85.15 for +100.
Instead I shorted a 1/2 position at 84.75 and covered at 85.25 for a loss of 375.
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So I should have pull my ENR order and short at 101.75 and covered at 101.75 for an even.
Instead I shorted a 1/2 at 101 and covered at 101.75 for a loss of 375
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I am down -564 for the day where if I kept my head and followed the rules I should be up +1100.